Trying To Keep Up With You
by Welcome-Misfits
Summary: After getting rejected by Eli, Clare ends up going to The Dot where she vents her feelings out to none other than, Peter Stone. Takes place after "Umbrella Part 1." Clare and Peter friendship only.


**A/N:**** Forgive me for any continuity errors with Peter and Darcy's relationship and Peter's personality. I've really only seen season eight and nine Peter, so to speak, save for two or three episodes when he's with Darcy.  
****Anyway, as stated in the summary, this takes place right after the events in "Umbrella Part One." **

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own _Degrassi_. **

_**XxxX**_

Trying To Keep Up With You

It had already been nearly an hour after the fact and I still had to keep blinking back tears. The only thing keeping me from breaking down into full out, gut-wrenching sobs was the fact that I was in public at The Dot. And at this point I didn't know if I'd be able to stop crying if I started.

I looked – and felt – like a mess, still in my school uniform while I sat at one of the many empty stools. My hands were propping up my head as I stared down at the counter and tried my hardest to stop thinking about Eli and everything that just happened. This was, of course, impossible to do and my cheeks burned red from sheer embarrassment.

My day had already going pretty badly to begin with. But the moment that really just took the cake was going over to Eli's house, wanting to sleep with him, and being flat-out rejected. I put myself completely out there on the line and Eli just didn't want me at all, much less was even understanding or caring about it. And what irrationally made the whole thing sting even more was knowing that he'd slept with Julia – probably all the time considering they apparently _lived together_ – but at the same time was clearly repulsed with the idea of sleeping with me.

If I had been feeling really low or desperate, I might have considered trying to dress in something sexier to get Eli to have sex with me that way. One of the several problems with that idea was the fact that I had already done that recently, only to be shot down then too. And sure, Eli had already been mad at me for the sabotage-filled dinner the night before I threw myself at him at school. But beyond that was the actual, humiliating point. Eli very clearly didn't find me appealing in that way.

And it's not like I was that naïve or stupid. I knew just as well as anybody that all teenage boys wanted the same thing, even if some were less pushy and vocal about it like Eli. But I'd always thought that just because he'd never tried to push me didn't mean he didn't want to. And in a way, I supposed I was right. Eli probably did want it - just not from _me_.

I had to blink faster to keep holding back the gathering tears wanting to break through the floodgates. _What is so wrong with me?_ I asked myself miserably.

Interrupting my little pity party was Peter suddenly appearing in front of me behind the counter. He still looked pretty much the same as the last time I'd really talked to him, and judging by the same friendly smile, his demeanor hadn't changed either. "Hey Baby Edwards," he greeted me. I had to restrain myself from cringing at my old nickname. "Look, I hate to be uncool about this, but if you're going to keep sitting here, you kind of have to order something."

I lifted my head from my hands and glanced around the small coffee shop, seeing only a few other customers, all of whom already had their own seats. "Why?" I started to ask. My voice cracked and I had to quickly clear my throat. "There's hardly anyone here."

"It's the policy," Peter said with a light shrug. "So what can I get you?"

"Just water is fine."

"Coming up." He soon disappeared to the other end of the counter.

I let out a sigh the moment I was alone again, and my breath hitched in my throat slightly. Dang it; I wished I could stop feeling like crying my eyes out. In the meantime, I went about dabbing at my eyes with my sweater sleeve and trying to regain control of my breathing. If anything, I had to try and keep it together in front of Peter, because, if memory served, Peter wasn't great with tears.

Right on cue, Peter came back and set the water bottle down by my hands resting on the counter. "Here you go," he said cheerfully.

"Thanks," I replied dully.

He seemed to pick up on my tone and went on to ask, "Is everything okay?"

I quickly occupied my hands with twisting the cap off of the water bottle. "Yeah, I'm fine," I lied.

It wasn't a very good lie though because Peter remained unconvinced, leaning against the counter and smiling at me encouragingly. "Aw, come on, Clare Bear. You can tell me."

A little surprised, I paused with the water bottle raised halfway to my mouth. Peter had hardly talked to me at all – much less tried to be brotherly – since Darcy left and he moved on to Mia. But…I really could use someone to talk to. I could _never_ talk to my parents about this and I doubted Alli would understand. Peter, on the other hand…

Setting my water down, I asked hopefully, "Do you really want to know?"

Peter tapped the counter twice. "Lay it on me."

And it was then, having someone so willing to just listen to me and talk, that I finally let my tears overflow and spill out over my cheeks. "My boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with me," I told him in a sad, quiet voice.

Peter's eyebrows shot up. I doubt he thought that sex would have anything to do with my current problem considering we'd always had more of a big brother-little sister dynamic, never even talking about boys or dating. He shifted uncomfortably, but thankfully didn't run away from the conversation. "Uh…I always thought you were into the abstinence thing too."

"I _was_! And for now I'm forced to be since Eli only liked sleeping with his dead ex-girlfriend," I said, anger leaking into my tone. Pushing my curly hair away from my face, I sniffled and wiped at the tears still coming through.

Peter looked confused. "What?"

"My parents are getting a divorce and breaking all of their promises. So I don't see why I should have to keep any more of mine, including my promise to not have sex until after I'm married," I said, the words tumbling out of my mouth. "But my boyfriend – who is apparently _not_ a virgin and pretty much lived with his old girlfriend until she died last year – doesn't think I'm pretty or sexy or _something_ because he just doesn't want to sleep with me."

After a moment of appearing to be trying to absorb everything, Peter scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "No, I mean…it's probably not your fault," he said with a bit of a struggle. "You're…sexy…?"

I wrinkled my eyebrows and frowned. Those words sounded incredibly weird coming out of Peter's mouth.

Peter closed his eyes and shook his head. "No, no," he quickly backtracked. He took a breath before looking at me again, seriously. "Look, Clare…I don't really know why the dude won't sleep with you, but I'm sure that it doesn't have anything to do with how you look."

"He _said_ that it was because it's not who I am and because I have beliefs," I said bitterly at the memory.

Peter nodded, having his thoughts confirmed to him.

"But he's an atheist, so why should he care whether or not I'm breaking promises to God?" I asked a tad desperately. Afterwards, I quietly mumbled, "I _thought_ it would make him happy."

"Well, just because he's not religious like you doesn't mean he doesn't care."

I looked at him doubtfully, not quite understanding how that could work. If Eli didn't believe in God, then why should he care about any promises I make to Him?

Nonetheless, Peter nodded with more confidence and said, "Yeah. I mean, sure us dudes like sex, but it doesn't mean that it's all that all of us care about. Most of us just want our girls to be happy. And you Edwards girls are definitely worth the wait." Peter took the opportunity to gently pinch my cheek, laughing when I pulled away. He smiled a little wistfully. "When it came down to it, I didn't _really_ mind the 'no sex' thing with Darcy. I would've waited for her."

My eyes flickered down to the countertop again sadly. I was happy he had been so happy with Darcy, but we both knew where that ended up. Besides, Eli was most definitely not like Peter. "Thanks but…I just have a feeling that this isn't just about him respecting my beliefs. I don't know what else it could be though…unless he just doesn't want me anymore."

Peter laughed shortly. "That's stupid. Clare, I'm sure he still wants you; he'd be an idiot if he didn't."

"Thanks," I said dejectedly. I may have felt better had I not recognized those words as being the token sentiments for heartbreak scenarios.

My cell phone suddenly vibrated loudly in my pocket, startling us both. Once I found my phone, I saw that it was a text message from Eli: _"I'm really sorry. Can we talk?"_

I groaned quietly. _Now_ he wanted to talk? Before, he'd seemed pretty set on just getting my bike in his hearse so he could dump me off at my house. Did he really think I'd want to have a nice chat after he rejected me like that?

"What's wrong?" Peter asked.

I tilted the screen towards Peter so he could read it. "It's him."

Raising his eyebrows, he quickly scanned the little screen. "Oh. You gonna talk to him?"

Shaking my head, I deleted the message since I had no intentions of replying back to him. "I don't really feel like talking to him now." In an impossibly worse mood, I set my cell down and stubbornly crossed my arms over my chest.

"Clare, you know I'm on your side, but you really should give him a chance to at least explain."

I raised one eyebrow.

He smiled and laughed a little. "Seriously, we dudes just naturally screw things up with women. It's like, in our DNA to say at least ten wrong and offensive things a week that'll upset someone. But we'll always apologize if you let us," he said, lightly nudging my arm with his own.

I managed a brief smile that faded as quickly as it'd appeared. Sighing, I looked down thoughtfully at my phone. Right on time, of course, was another text from Eli. This one read, _"Clare, please talk to me. I'm sorry I hurt you but you do have beliefs and anything we did today, you'd regret tomorrow. I don't want you to resent me later."_

This was probably supposed to make me reconsider and realize that he really _did_ want me. I might have had said revelation if he'd once said anything like, oh I don't know, "I need you in my life," "This doesn't mean I don't want you," or even "This doesn't change anything between us." So, all things considered, I wasn't moved in the slightest as I frowned and said, "Still nothing but excuses. Not one thing in there that says he'd sleep with me otherwise or that he wishes he could say yes." I held out my phone for Peter to see as well.

He shrugged. "I don't know. It seems like he's really sorry."

Swiftly deleting this text also, I shook my head shortly. "But the issue isn't being sorry. The issue is _what_ he's sorry for, which is that I very clearly don't measure up to his ex-girlfriend's standards and he doesn't want to waste his time."

"Clare," Peter started to disagree.

"It's okay. Thanks for listening, Peter, but I think I just need to go home and think about all of this."

He smiled. "No problem, honorary little sis."

Pocketing my phone and taking the water bottle I'd still yet to actually drink, I got down from the stool. I nearly forgot something as I turned around and asked, "Oh, how much for the water?"

"Eh, it's okay; family discount."

I couldn't help smiling again. "Thanks. See you around."

"Good luck."

As I pushed through the exit door to leave, I made a mental note to talk to Peter more often. He hadn't completely fixed anything, but he certainly was a good listener and brightened my spirits a little. However, I'd only just reached my bike when I discovered that without Peter my spirits were back to where they'd been before. I suddenly regretted leaving and wasn't so sure I actually wanted to be alone. Especially since it seemed like these days if I wasn't with Eli, I was alone.

I glanced back through the window and saw Peter trying to balance a straw on his nose. I _could_ go spend more time with Peter…but he was technically working and I'd already wasted enough of his time.

I wished Alli wasn't so busy with her new school so that I could talk to her. Also unavailable was Adam, who seemed to be pretty busy the past few days.

My phone suddenly started ringing. I looked at it long enough to see the collar ID before hitting "ignore" and putting my phone away again. Evidently he'd realized texts weren't getting him anywhere.

I'd admittedly been tempted to answer it – just a little. I mean, surely it said something that he was trying so hard to get a hold of me. So…_maybe_ it didn't really have anything to do with whether or not he still wanted me.

I, however, was still not convinced that this was all about respecting my beliefs. There was something else there. I just didn't know what. But I had a pretty good guess that it had _something_ to do with Julia, _as always_. And I hated to be that way. I really did try to be as understanding and sensitive as possible when it came to Julia. But lately, it was getting harder and harder to have to deal with _anything_ Julia related.

And yeah, maybe I was just a little jealous because it didn't seem like it was going to ever matter how close Eli and I got since Julia's memory would always be right there in between us, holding him back.

I realized the truth of my own thoughts as I climbed onto my bike. Biting my lip, I made the decision then that I was done with Eli. If Julia was going to continue dictating our relationship, then I no longer wanted to be a part of it. The pain it caused was too much now. I'd been trying to compete with a ghost and I just ended up losing.

I would probably never learn the exact reason Eli didn't want to sleep with me. But I wasn't sure I wanted to know anyway.

And this was the right thing to do…_really_. The stabbing pain in my chest I felt after making the decision didn't mean anything…

**_XxxX_**

**A/N: And of course, we've all seen "Umbrella Part Two" and already know that they don't really break up. We also already know that the elusive reason is because of his hoarding - not because of Clare, and not _entirely_ because of Julia.  
So, thank you for reading this mostly pointless little one-shot. :-) **


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